Whether you or a partner uses a wheelchair, you should already know that many wheelchair users desire an enjoyable, fulfilling sex life, and are perfectly capable of it.
Whatever that looks like for you, this guide gives you 7 tips that cover all aspects of sex. Abled or disabled, everyone should be included in these conversations. Implementing some of these tips will empower you and help ensure you an exciting and gratifying sex life.
Let’s dive right in!
1. GET COMFORTABLE, AND LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
A girl’s got a right to explore herself!
If you haven’t yet, start by giving a little love to yourself, and see what you like. Take a look, take a feel, and discover what makes you feel good. Not only will you be better informed to please yourself, but you can also tell your partner what you like; they want to pleasure you too, and would probably appreciate you telling them (more on talking later).
If you are already comfortable with your own body and your erotic zones, feel free to explore further. Maybe look into some of these accessible sex toys, which can spice up your play in the bedroom—with or without your partner.
Leading to the second point!
2. A WHOLE NEW (SEX) WORLD.
Whether it’s a new toy, a new location, or a new roleplay/fantasy, novelty can always be fun.
Try a couch, a chair, a different room in the house, or any other feasible location. Similarly, there are so many possibilities for fantasy or roleplay, as long as both parties discuss it beforehand and consider things like a safe word, as well as accessibility. As Taylor Carmen puts it: “Not all fantasies are going to be possible, but it can be great fun to try it out. You never know.”
Talk to your partner first of course, but introducing something new and exciting that you’re both comfortable with can only expand the pleasures of your sex life.
3. SO MUCH MORE THAN PENETRATION
Maybe penetration is not possible or uncomfortable, or you don’t prefer it for whatever reason. Or, maybe you’re ready to try a different kind of sex! Not only is it perfectly okay, but also, different avenues of mutual pleasure beyond “typical P-in-V” are often worth exploring.
As Sarah Alexander puts it in her Cosmopolitan article, “you can try oral, hand jobs, fingering, mutual masturbation… we’re more than happy to give and receive pleasure”. If you’re not ready or not into the arguably more ~adventurous~ ideas in tip 2, this is a wonderful place to explore another aspect of sex.
4. CLARIFY THAT COMMUNICATION!
As we’ve touched upon throughout, talking with your partner is not only helpful, but it can be essential to achieving the pinnacle of your sex life.
Just moaning a little louder when they do something you enjoy is often not the best way for your partner to really know what you like. So tell them! They’ll likely be relieved, and feel more comfortable telling you what they enjoy. Creating a standard of straightforward and honest communication is a key element to success in any relationship, and can only make your sex life better and more comfortable.
5. A DIFFERENT ANGLE (POSITION ENHANCERS)
Trying a new sex position can sometimes be scary, and even a little awkward as you try to properly orient your bodies. However, if you and your partner find something new that really hits the spot, you’ll be so glad you took a chance on a fresh approach, no matter what kind of sex (vaginal, anal, oral, etc) you are having.
If you’re interested in even more ways to approach it, there are many shops that offer position enhancers. These are kind of related to sex toys, but are in their own category entirely. Sometimes, such as in missionary, you’ll find that putting a pillow beneath a your hips can create more comfort and pleasure. A well-crafted position enhancer is a lot more versatile and stable, and can be something worth considering for able bodied and disabled people alike.
6. DISCOVER THE ABILITIES YOUR DISABILITY CAN GIVE YOU.
Sarah Alexander (from that same Cosmo article) points out an advantage she and other wheelchair users may have: her primary condition makes her more flexible. She also says that one of her wheelchairs has an adjustable recline function, opening up a wide range of different angles and positions to explore.
Embracing what makes you different in all aspects of your life can be really empowering, especially once you sprinkle in a little open-mindedness and creativity. Sex is no different!
7. ASK, EXPLORE, AND REMEMBER THERE IS NO WRONG WAY.
Talk to friends, consult the internet, and have confidence! Other disabled friends, or even able-bodied friends, likely have exciting sex experiences that they would be happy to share with you. You can always learn something from someone, and you can always turn to the internet: an essentially infinite resource.
The best part of all this—there is no wrong way. There is no superior or inferior way to have sex; what is most important is just adapting it to suit you.
There are so many ways to enhance your sex life as (or with) a wheelchair user. Just like with any partner, there is a learning curve, different preferences, and new things to be considered and explored.
These are just some of the ways that you can add a little extra excitement, communication, and intimacy to your sex life, and we hope that you can choose a few to implement.
Let us know what you are going to try first!